No Plot! No Problem?
by Judgment Waltz
Summary: "...So yeah, I'm looking for the plot. Pls halp."


**Something I wanted to write so I can mess around with a friend or two, so it's not really suggested to try to understand it even if it still makes sense in a way. And don't worry, this isn't gonna impede my other projects since this is a rather short story I'm working on. And yes, I'm a lunatic. I thought that was clear. (brick'd)**

* * *

Neptune, current CPU of Planeptune, and also known as Purple Heart, one of the many goddess in Gamindustri, watched the unbelievable event playing in front of her. It was a nightmare of a sort, something she seriously hoped wouldn't come to pass, but in her gut feeling she knew that this agonizing scene would come to play.

"I'm part of an agonizing scene? Must be quaint."

She had only went straight to her room after dealing with a series of quests that stormed into her queue without notice. It took two hours to deal with the sudden increase of Dogoos wearing sunglasses, three hours to deal with Dogoos wearing sunglasses while riding on unicycles, and five hours to get over her phobia with the bat-winged Eggplants wielding laser swords that were part of an experiment gone wrong. All in all, she deserved the break!

And now... _him_...

"Blargh!" The purple-haired raised a finger towards the uninvited guest. "What are you doing here!? I thought you made a pinky-swear that you wouldn't invade my room!"

The guest was none other than the person in the blue top hat, sitting quietly on the floor. Said 'guest' was having a smile that she would never know what it meant. He wasn't really normal in nature, he just simply liked to aggravate people whenever he felt like it, and his next two words confirmed it.

"I lied."

"Well yeah, I can see that," she deadpanned before frowning. "Any reason why?"

"I dunno."

...

...

"What? No, I really don't," he scratched his head when the purple-haired girl's glare was getting fiercer. "I just wound up here without a clue in direction as to what I'm supposed to be doing."

"Oh right~," Neptune gave a cheeky tone. "You clearly have lost your way and somehow found yourself in my room. It's like a dream come true for every fan of mine, right?"

"Hey, I wouldn't have had it either way," he answered mysteriously, tipping his hat.

"Yep, you lucky dude! Now, can you get out of here?"

"I can't."

Neptune's nose twitched. This guy... "Whaddya mean, you can't?"

"I mean I can't," he huffed, folding his arms. "It'd be very easy to just leave through the door behind you, or maybe I could jump high and break through the ceilings of the room, thus ensuring I'd be left with a huge debt to pay for repairs, but it's not that simple."

"Then why can't you leave?" She stared at him with blank eyes, still angry.

"I'm looking for the plot," he brilliantly retorted.

"What plot?" Neptune grit her teeth, her anger seriously being tested.

"What else!? It's the plot I need to get out!"

"What kind of plot!?"

"I dunno! It's supposed to be some kind of plot!"

"What's it about!?"

"It's the plot about my appearance in this room!"

"Why are you worried about your showbiz in my room when you can just leave!?"

"I dunno."

...

...

"...So yeah, I'm looking for the plot. Pls halp."

She gave a smile that was as sudden as the guest calming down. "I am totally trying my hardest to not stab you with the Infinite Plus Two Sword I have in my disposal, you know."

"That's okay," he waved her threat off with a wave of his arm, "I have the Infinite Plus Three Armor equipped, so you can't do jack."

"Why are you in a girl's room looking for the plot, anyways?" She muttered, already losing her steam. "I thought that went against your personality of trying to be a gentleman. Not that you always are."

"Hey, it's not so bad if it happens to be your room," he explained, looking bored.

"Well it is my room," she drawled out, speaking of the obvious. "And why is my room an exception?"

"Do you want the truth or the lie?" He ominously asked.

"...I'm probably gonna hate you a lot more if you say the truth. Just come up with a lie."

"I was enticed by your purple beauty and I wish to remain by your side as I look for the plot."

"Okay, that's really great—what's the truth!?"

"Your room happens to be easier to destroy and for me to get away with it," he plainly said.

"That gives no rhyme nor reason for you to be blowin' up my pad!" She ruffled her hair violently as this guest continued to make fun of her.

"Heh, I promise it's a lot more fun on my end."

"Why can't you make my side the more fun side!?"

"I already made your side the fun side when I made those Eggplant experiments go wrong."

"Huh...? Th-then it was you—!?"

"Um... sis?"

The two quickly stopped bickering when a soft voice spoke through the door. Nepgear meekly made her way into their room with a worried look, not liking whatever this situation was playing on.

"I just heard a lot of shouting up here, oh goodness, and..."

She trailed off the moment she noticed a familiar person in blue, sitting comfortably in a girl's room. He gave a bored look to her as she gazed on him.

"Huh? Judgment?"

He waved a hand around as a greeting. "Hey. Neptune kidnapped me while I was looking for the plot. Do something."

...There was just so many things wrong with his statement that Neptune wasn't even sure if she really wanted to correct him. Still, he was going to make a ludicrous amount of confusion if his testimony can somehow make Nepgear less wiser thanks to it.

Neptune gleefully smiled as Judgment started up another round. "Kidnap? Bro, please, do you even look like the type?"

"Do you? You look like you're better passing off as someone's little sister."

"And what about you? You look like you can barely lift. All fingers, no muscles!"

"Still better than getting your clothes soaked in the rain."

"That was one time and you made me go through it!"

"Cut it out, you two..." Nepgear sighed. It was already kind of stressful to go with Neptune's antics, but whenever Judgment was added to the mix, she wasn't sure if it was possible to calm the two down so easily.

"We're cutting it out and we're cutting close," he hummed pleasantly, to Nepgear's disappointment. "So far I'd say this is the most wonderful evening I've had in a while."

"We're cutting close to let loose," Neptune equally quipped. "Anyway, you said the plot's here, somewhere, in my room. What makes you think that?"

He sighed, tipping his hat. "It's not so much of a plot, actually. We just need something to jump-start this entire scene so we can move on with the plot. And our lives." He shrugged afterward. "Though, I probably need you, Neptune. You are the main character and stuff."

"...My status as a main character is getting more perverse thanks to people like you," she whispered, almost ready to tear up. "Fine, just... make it quick."

"Sweet," he chuckled in victory. "Anyways, maybe we can figure out where to go from here."

"To where, exactly?" Nepgear tilted her head, raising her question marks.

"Anywhere the plot takes us," Neptune said, despondent towards this... weird situation. "How do we even do that, though?"

"I dunno."

...

...

"The plot probably isn't so easy to grasp," he responded, watching the girls shake their heads. "It may as well be intangible. Or tangy."

"You really don't think the plot can kick ass like tangerines, can you?" Neptune pouted, hoping this bit would go unnoticed.

"Regardless," Nepgear chimed in, trying to get back on track, "we must look for the plot so we can move on. Um, but where do we start?"

"I'm more surprised that you're taking this seriously-cereal, Nep Jr.," the elder goddess groaned. He didn't have to involve her sister, and now here she was, trying to help...

"But isn't it kind of rude if we didn't offer our help?" The younger sister tried to reason. It wasn't really nice of them if they didn't bother even for a moment, she figured.

Neptune scoffed at that thought. "For him? Nah, it's not like his life depends entirely on us. He can live without us pretty easily. He'll be fine, since we're only tagging along."

"I'm not paying for any damage I cause in your Basilicom if you don't join, by the way."

She had limits. She had undefined limits based on how many people would actually get her mood to sink so low. She was going with him, just this once, but if he didn't stop this madness of 'cooperation', she thought, she would take such extreme measures to limit his options of making her life a living hell. Such as actually preventing her sister from getting married. Forever.

At least it would stop that weird pairing he came up with. Seriously, what was he thinking, having that fake photo featuring Nepgear and—

"If you don't mind me asking," Nepgear spoke up again, "why couldn't you have asked someone else to help you?"

"Neptune didn't look like she's had her fill of the day yet, though," he muttered, prompting an incredulous look from the girl herself, along with a question.

"But what about the other CPUs? It's not like you need me to do anything and everything, you know." Especially after this long day...

"Hm..."

Did he just give her another empty response? Sheesh, if he was so considerate—

"I think I got it."

Neptune blinked. Twice. Then she noticed he had the look of acknowledging a revelation. And for some stupid reason, she knew that look was not a good thing. Not to her, not to Nepgear, not to anyone involved.

"...Huh?"

"There's no time to waste!"

He suddenly stood up, startling the two sisters for a moment, before pointing up to the ceiling. This new behavior was a strange contrast to his carefree self that Neptune just wasn't sure how to react to it.

"It looks like the other CPUs probably have the answers I need regarding of the plot," he explained, further bewildering the girls. "We'll have to make haste before midnight if we need to obtain and understand the plot!"

There was some kind of impending doom about to happen that it seemed Neptune was the only one able to sense it from a mile away.

"...I think I'm having regrets already," she responded quietly, feeling her own soul turn pale. "Nep Jr., please walk away and abort the mission while you can."

"But we haven't even started yet," Nepgear whispered back. Still, she couldn't shake off this shivering feeling, this bad omen... did Neptune predict a horrible scheme that Judgment planned?

"Author powers, activate!"

In the next split second, whether it was by an unimaginable amount of power to warp reality, or by a set up that no one else was watching, the three individuals' footwear started to spew fire beneath them with such force that it got them to start levitating. This continued for another second until their heads somehow burst through the ceilings of the Basilicom, even passing through the rooftop, until they found themselves high above Planeptune, racing to the night sky.

"Why meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!?"

No one awake in that night was aware that the suffering shout of Neptune belonged to her. No one was aware that she and her sister were flying towards the skies above, dragged around by a blue-haired lunatic. Heck, no one cared that the suffering shout came from a CPU being dragged around by a blue-haired lunatic. Except Histoire, once she figured out what the commotion was.

But there were two things in this night that were clear. For one, even if for the briefest of moments, it was magnificent to watch three people flying briskly through the starry night sky and over the radiating neon lights of Planeptune. For the second, it was quite possibly the start to the shortest journey the blue-haired lunatic ever created, a lot more shorter than their time in the BTS Lands.

And to Neptune, who loved to journey through the world to stop the villains and save it from whatever disaster was planned, one thing was clear to herself. Probably Nepgear too, but Neptune found herself repeating one thought throughout their ride.

"I have regrets..."

 _Fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars~_


End file.
